When I think of endurance it takes me back to running the mile in school. I stunk at it! I could crunch and complete pull-ups like it was no one’s business. Stretch past my feet further than anyone but the one mile run was my weakness. Every year I would come in almost last. I would love to say things have changed but really they haven’t. Running has always be my nemesis. I avoided it throughout most of my life. I would spin, dance, and walk but running was a chore that I didn’t enjoy.
Something occurred to me just a few weeks after hopping on a treadmill at the gym and randomly hitting 5K and completing it. It took over 45 minutes but I was proud because I kept going, running then walking. Even my husband mentioned how surprised he was to look up and see me still running. Obviously everyone knows I do this as little as possible unless begin chased or chasing someone (which is obviously rare). What hit me was that the way I handle running was also the way that I had been handling life. I learned from example: if mom didn’t like a job or something happened she didn’t like she left, marriages and relationships that didn’t stand up to her comfort, she left. I do was seeing this habit in my life. While I plan to remain married until one of us die, I was always hoping for a way out because I was uncomfortable. I always want to stop and change jobs when it doesn’t meet my needs at that time. This showed up in activities I decided to take part in or habits I tried to form. They got hard, I stopped and sometimes never started again. I felt like I had finally solved the riddle of where I go wrong.
I’ve stunk at endurance in running and in life. I have always stopped short of the goal line. This was why I always try to run away from marriage, difficult situations, and jobs. I have never taken what was necessary to increase my stamina to deal with the hard times. It was easier to stop all together than to walk for a little while then keep running until I get to the end. I have stop and started so much in my life. Hell I don’t even keep up with showering and eating on a daily basis because I don’t feel like it.
The real question si what can I do to change this. Well for now I’m adding something simple to my routine that I hope will make a difference in raising my ability to stick with something difficult and that is taking cold showers, well cool showers. I turn the knob about half way as opposed to all the way to hot. I have recently been able to make it slightly colder because I was able to adjust to it. Honestly it was hard as ever! I would have to remind myself that I was not going to die! Now, to be honest, I have waited and put it off until I had to shower but every time I get in I will turn it to cold and that is a huge step.
I just checked my notifications and found that I have been on WordPress for two years and I have twenty posts. Consistency is apparently not what I have when it comes to blogging. I do it based on mood because while I usually have something valuable to share or get off my chest I don’t necessarily Feel like typing or texting it all out so eventually the ideas Nd thoughts get lost Nd never make it to here. Sad but true!
So now would be the time I would make a vow to do better but really I’m okay since blogging isn’t the most important thing in my life. Right now I’m focused on my health and my family health. Maybe at year three I’ll be that major blogger with her own show and a ton of followers but for now I’m a mom wife nurse just trying to keep everyone alive and well…
So I’m keeping track of my calories for the second time in my life. The first time was right before I left social work and before my first child. At that time I was the healthy one people came to for advice on what was the beat item to get at the movie theater. Now I’ve just become the one who talks bout my addiction to sugar and caffeine.
Back then I was devoted to getting the body I desired bs now I’ve become a workout girl with no nutritional consistency. But all of that will change as I start this new journey and of course as a mother I have to prepare to explain to my girls why mommy has less on her plate or doesn’t eat a meal without acting them into a world of dieting. I’ve decided to go with the explanation that food helps of grow big and strong and gives us energy. That mommy has eaten lol the energy she needs for the day when she ate “…”. My children are smart but take well to simple explanations and if they how questions I will answer them. I have a goal and calorie counting has helped me in the past so I’m hoping the over 40 me will get the same benefit. Also I don’t feel like after I lose the weight and fib the muscle that I will suffer as much as I feel I would with a low carb diet. If I need to change anything it will be watching my sugar content in addition to my calories.
Today is tea party day so while I’ll be eating the peanut butter (well almond butter) and jelly sandwiches (which I say in the worst British accent) I’ll be paying attention to how much I’m eating and still enjoying my special mommy daughters time!
Until next time Legacy Changers!
Today my four year old was told “brown skinned people can’t play with my toys”
I am so heartbroken because I know this is just the beginning of a long road ahead!
You heard it right at 8 am me and a fellow nurse and friend had our own happy hour after a long night in the ICU! The thought of having free time made the horrible night tolerable! We didn’t leave until noon just chatting about life and live and work. It was much needed with as bad as I have been feeling recently. A big deal has been that my husband told me he wanted the fun wife he thought he married and it had been weighing on my heart about how I had lost my true self in the scope of my marriage and motherhood. So goal one is to get me back and to do what I need to do to feel good then I can spread the fun!
I just had to do it! No we’re not on speaking terms and our sentences are short and to the point and we barely kiss these days and conversations are only about the kids but I wanted to do it so I stopped him in the middle of moving the ladder to hug him. Mine was strong two handed around the waist with head on chest and his was a one armed kind of thing but he laughed and we moved on.
What can I do to be better today than I was yesterday?
I saw that on Pinterest recently. That is my time waster! All the ideas in the world but no time to do them! Crafts decorations meal planning exercise routines…but nothing started until…
I’m hoping that by dedicating time to myself and my needs that I will continue to work on my calendar and plan those items out. It is important to do this for my girls and for my relationship.
So today marks the beginning but I could just be delusional since I’ve worked five 13 hour nights in the last six days and only slept three hours before coming in tonight but I’ll keep you posted!